Nurturing Relationships Without Losing Yourself

There was a quiet moment this week.

I was sitting at my desk, looking out of the window between sessions, when a muntjac deer stepped softly into the garden. Small. Still. Completely unhurried. For a few seconds everything else faded — the emails, the to-do list, the noise of the day.

It was such a grounding moment.

What struck me wasn’t just the beauty of it, but the way the deer held itself. Alert, aware, yet calm. Present in its space. Not rushing. Not performing.

It felt like a gentle metaphor for relationships.

Because many of us move through our relationships without that steadiness. We adapt quickly. We respond. We accommodate. We give. Often beautifully so. Especially if you are someone who works in a helping profession.

But nurture in relationships is not only about what we offer.

It is also about what we receive.
And how we remain ourselves while staying connected.

Nourishment versus drain

Some relationships feel like that grounding moment with the deer — steadying, quiet, restorative.

Others can leave us feeling:

• slightly on edge

• responsible for everyone else’s emotions

• as though we are performing a version of ourselves

• tired after spending time together

Not because anyone is “bad.”
But because something in the dynamic pulls more than it replenishes.

It can take courage to acknowledge this. Particularly if you are used to being the steady one.

Nurturing relationships are not dramatic. They are often simple. They allow you to exhale.

Where are you most yourself?

You might pause and gently consider:

• Where do you feel most able to be yourself?

• Who in your life helps you feel steady?

Notice who comes to mind.

Often it is the person who does not require you to be anything other than you are. The one who does not rush to fix, advise, or judge. The one who allows space.

Those relationships are deeply nourishing. They regulate our nervous systems. They remind us who we are.

When connection becomes depletion

It is also okay to notice:

• Are there relationships that feel draining rather than nourishing?

Drain can look like over-explaining.
Over-giving.
Holding back your real feelings.
Leaving conversations feeling smaller than when you arrived.

Nurture does not mean cutting people off impulsively. But it may mean adjusting boundaries. Shortening time spent. Being clearer about what you can and cannot hold.

It may mean recognising that you are allowed to protect your own steadiness.

Nurturing others without losing yourself

This is especially important for counsellors, carers, and those in supportive roles.

You may be very skilled at offering warmth, attention, and steadiness. But the question becomes:

• How do you nurture others without losing yourself?

Perhaps it means:

• noticing when you are about to say yes automatically

• building in small pauses between conversations

• sharing honestly with safe people when you feel stretched

• allowing yourself to receive support as well as give it

The muntjac deer did not lose itself in the garden. It stood, observed, and moved on when it was ready.

There is something in that for us.

Relationships thrive when there is mutual nourishment. When both people are allowed to be whole. When connection does not require self-abandonment.

This week, you might gently observe your relational landscape.

Where do you feel grounded?
Where do you feel stretched?
And what small shift might help you feel more steady within the connections you value?

Nurture in relationships is not about giving more.

It is about staying yourself while staying connected.

And that is a quiet kind of strength.

You might like to sit with this question in a quiet moment: Here’s a journaling question to reflect on

“In which relationships do I feel most like myself — and what is different about how I show up there?”

Write without editing or analysing. Simply notice.

You could also explore:

• What does my body feel like after spending time with certain people?

• Where might I be over-giving in order to keep connection?

• What would nurturing this relationship — and myself — look like in a small, realistic way?

Let your answers be honest rather than kind. Clarity is nurturing too.