Self-Care Isn’t Selfish: Reframing Rest and Boundaries
Many people come to counselling carrying an unspoken belief: “If I rest, I am lazy. If I say no, I am selfish.” This belief is deeply rooted in cultural, familial, and societal messages that equate worth with productivity and self-sacrifice.
Why do we feel guilty for resting?
Guilt around rest often arises from perfectionism. If your internal dialogue sounds like, “I should be doing more,” or “Everyone else manages, so I should too,” it may reflect an ingrained idea that your value lies only in what you achieve. This can lead to burnout, resentment, and a disconnection from your own needs.
The cultural myth of ‘selfishness’
Many cultures and communities praise people who constantly give to others, even to their own detriment. Saying no or creating boundaries can be seen as rejecting others or being unkind. In reality, setting healthy boundaries is a profound act of care – for yourself and for those you support. When you give from an empty cup, no one truly benefits.
Reframing self-care and boundaries
✅ Rest is not indulgence. It is essential maintenance for your mind, body, and spirit. Without it, you cannot function at your best.
✅ Boundaries are not barriers. They are clear lines that protect your energy, relationships, and mental health. Boundaries tell others where you end and they begin – and that clarity is a kindness to everyone involved.
✅ Self-care is responsibility. Looking after yourself isn’t about avoiding responsibility; it is your responsibility. It is how you ensure you can continue showing up for your family, work, and community without losing yourself.
Questions for reflection:
When I feel guilty for resting, whose voice am I hearing?
What messages did I learn about saying no or having needs?
What is one boundary I can set this week to protect my energy?
Final thought:
Self-care isn’t selfish. It is an act of respect for your humanity. Rest allows you to thrive, not just survive. Boundaries honour your time, energy, and relationships. If guilt and perfectionism are keeping you from caring for yourself, it may be time to explore these beliefs in a supportive space – so you can begin to live with intention, not obligation.
