What If Your Anxiety Is Trying to Tell You Something?
What if your anxiety isn't the enemy?
When anxiety arrives, our instinct is often to make it stop.
Don't worry.
Calm down.
You're overthinking.
Everything is going to be fine.
But what if, instead of immediately trying to silence anxiety, we became curious about it?
What if your anxiety is trying to tell you something?
This doesn't mean that anxiety is always right. It isn't.
But sometimes it can be a signal that something needs our attention.
Listening rather than fighting
I recently came across Dr Sian Williams' book, The Power of Anxiety: How to Ride the Worry Wave.
One of the ideas I particularly like is the suggestion that we don't necessarily have to fight anxiety or make it disappear. Instead, we can learn to understand it, listen to what it is saying and find ways to live alongside it.
Williams describes anxiety as something that can become a tool rather than a trap, while recognising that it can also leave us stuck in worry, doubt and self-criticism.
That got me thinking about how often we treat anxiety as a problem to solve rather than information to explore.
So, what might your anxiety be saying?
Imagine you are worrying about a conversation at work.
Rather than simply telling yourself "I'm overthinking this," pause for a moment.
Ask:
What am I worried might happen?
Perhaps you're worried about upsetting someone.
What does that worry mean to me?
Maybe being liked or getting things right feels incredibly important.
Is there something I need?
Perhaps you need reassurance, clearer information, a boundary or simply some time to think.
The aim isn't to feed the worry.
It's to understand what sits underneath it.
Anxiety, overwhelm and neurodivergent women
This can be particularly interesting when working with women who are autistic, have ADHD or are beginning to question whether they might be neurodivergent.
Anxiety can sometimes be connected with the effort of navigating environments that don't feel comfortable or predictable.
For autistic people, the National Autistic Society identifies things such as changes to routine, difficult social situations, sensory environments and masking as potential contributors to anxiety.
For some women, what they have called "anxiety" for years may sit alongside overwhelm, exhaustion, people-pleasing or the constant feeling that they have to adapt themselves to fit in.
That doesn't mean every experience of anxiety is caused by neurodivergence.
It simply means there can be value in becoming curious about your particular experience rather than assuming there is one explanation for everyone.
Try this: The Anxiety Conversation
The next time you notice anxiety, instead of immediately asking:
"How do I get rid of this?"
try:
"Hello anxiety. What are you here to tell me?"
Then write down:
I'm worried about…
I'm afraid that…
What I really need is…
What is within my control is…
One small thing I could do is…
You don't have to solve everything.
Sometimes identifying what is within your control is enough to turn a huge, swirling worry into one small next step.
And sometimes the answer might simply be:
I need to stop. I need some rest.
That's useful information too.
You don't have to believe every anxious thought
Listening to anxiety doesn't mean believing everything it tells you.
Anxiety can make possibilities feel like certainties.
"They're definitely annoyed with me."
"I've probably got it wrong."
"Something is going to go badly."
"I won't be able to cope."
There is a difference between listening to a feeling and accepting every thought as fact.
That little bit of space can be powerful.
You can notice the worry without becoming the worry.
The NHS also recommends talking about anxiety and feelings, breaking things down into smaller steps and focusing your energy on things you can influence.
A different question
Perhaps we could become a little kinder towards our anxiety.
Instead of:
"Why am I like this?"
Try:
"What is happening for me right now?"
Instead of:
"I shouldn't feel anxious."
Try:
"What might this feeling need?"
And instead of:
"I need to cope better."
Try:
"I need to understand myself better."
Because sometimes anxiety isn't asking you to work harder.
Sometimes it is asking you to pay attention.
If this feels familiar...
Counselling can give you a space to slow down and explore what's happening underneath the anxiety, without judgement.
You don't need to arrive knowing exactly what is wrong.
You can simply start with:
"I don't understand why I feel like this."
And together, we can begin to make sense of it.
If you'd like to explore whether counselling could help, I offer a free 15-minute conversation.
Julie Shehata-Morgan
Counsellor & Clinical Supervisor
Understand yourself. Find your way forward.
