Finding pleasure in the small things and allowing ourselves to take a little time for ourselves.
When was the last time you did something simply because you enjoyed it?
Not because it needed doing, not because it was productive, and not because it was something you could tick off your list.
Just because you wanted to.
Perhaps it was sitting with a cup of tea, reading a few pages of a book, spending a little time in the garden or going for a walk without having to be anywhere in particular.
And did you manage to enjoy it, or did you find yourself thinking about all the other things you should be doing?
I wonder how many of us have become so used to being busy that even when we have a little time to ourselves, we struggle to switch off.
There's always something else that needs doing. Another email to answer, another job to finish, someone who needs something or something we feel we ought to be getting on with.
And somewhere along the way, taking time for ourselves can start to feel a little uncomfortable.
Almost as though we need to earn it first.
When everything becomes a priority
I think it's quite easy for our days to become filled with things that need our attention.
Work, family, relationships, responsibilities and all the little things that keep everyday life moving.
We might start the day with good intentions about making a little time for ourselves, but somehow it gets pushed further down the list.
Perhaps we tell ourselves we'll have a break when we've finished everything, when work is quieter, when the house is tidy or when everyone else is sorted.
But how often does that moment actually arrive?
There can also be a feeling that if we're not doing something useful, we're somehow wasting time.
For some of us, this comes from the expectations we've grown up with. Perhaps we've learnt that being helpful, dependable and productive is how we show our value. Perhaps we're more comfortable looking after everyone else than thinking about what we might need ourselves.
And sometimes, slowing down can feel uncomfortable because it gives us a little more space to notice how we're actually feeling.
None of this means we're doing anything wrong. But it might be worth becoming a little more curious about where those expectations come from.
It's not always easy to switch off
I also think it's important to recognise that rest doesn't look the same for everyone.
For some people, it's sitting quietly with a book or enjoying a little time alone. For others, it's getting outside, listening to music, cooking something they enjoy or spending time with someone they feel comfortable with.
For some autistic and ADHD women, finding ways to rest can be particularly important when everyday life involves managing sensory demands, social expectations, switching between tasks or adapting to different environments.
Sometimes what looks like doing very little can actually be exactly what someone needs.
And sometimes sitting still isn't restful at all. A gentle activity, a familiar routine or time spent doing something absorbing can feel much more comfortable.
I think the important thing is getting to know what works for you, rather than feeling that rest has to look a particular way.
Finding pleasure in the small things
We don't always need to make big plans or wait for a holiday to find moments of enjoyment.
Sometimes it's the ordinary things that bring a little pleasure into our day.
The first cup of tea in the morning. Noticing the changing colours of the trees. Listening to a favourite piece of music. Making something for dinner because we enjoy cooking it, rather than because it's another job to get done.
These moments might seem quite small, but they give us an opportunity to step away from the constant demands of everyday life and pay attention to something we enjoy.
The NHS includes making time for activities we enjoy, socialising and relaxation among its suggestions for managing stress.
You can read more in its 10 stress busters guide.
It isn't about adding another thing to your to-do list. It's about recognising that enjoying life matters too.
Three small things you could try this week
Rather than making another big promise to yourself about changing your routine, perhaps start with something much smaller.
Here are three ideas to try.
1. The 10-minute permission pause
Find ten minutes in your day to do something you enjoy.
It doesn't need to be anything special. Sit outside with a drink, read a few pages of a book, listen to music or simply look out of the window.
The only condition is that it doesn't need to achieve anything.
If you find yourself thinking about what you should be doing instead, notice that thought without giving yourself a hard time.
You might even try saying to yourself:
"I'm allowed to enjoy this moment. I don't have to earn it."
2. Make a little list of your small joys
Sometimes we become so focused on what needs doing that we forget what we actually enjoy.
Take a few minutes to write down five small things that bring you pleasure or help you feel more settled.
They might include:
Spending time outside, even for a few minutes.
Having a favourite drink somewhere quiet.
Listening to music that makes you smile.
Reading, drawing, gardening or cooking.
Having a conversation with someone you feel comfortable with.
Keep the list somewhere you can see it.
When life feels particularly busy, choose one thing from the list and see whether you can make a little space for it.
3. Notice the difference between rest and doing nothing
Ask yourself what actually helps you feel refreshed.
Perhaps you need some quiet time on your own. Perhaps you feel better after moving your body, seeing a friend or spending time doing something creative.
There is no right answer.
Try asking yourself:
What do I feel like doing when nobody is expecting anything from me?
What activities leave me feeling a little more settled?
What do I enjoy but rarely make time for?
You might discover that what you need isn't necessarily more time sitting down. It might be more time doing things that feel enjoyable, meaningful or simply like you.
A little more kindness towards ourselves
One of the things I often come back to in counselling is how we speak to ourselves.
We're often much more understanding when someone else tells us they're tired, overwhelmed or finding things difficult.
We might encourage them to take a break, ask for help or make a little time for themselves.
But when it comes to our own needs, the conversation can be very different.
We tell ourselves we should be doing more, that other people manage perfectly well or that we'll have some time for ourselves once everything else is sorted.
I wonder what might change if we offered ourselves some of the same understanding we so readily give to other people.
Counselling can provide a space to explore some of these expectations and where they might have come from. It can help us recognise patterns, understand why putting ourselves first can feel difficult and begin to think about what we might like to do differently.
It's not about becoming selfish or forgetting our responsibilities.
It's about recognising that our needs matter too.
Something to think about
I'd like to leave you with a question this week:
If you didn't have to earn your time to yourself, what would you choose to do with it?
Perhaps it's something you've not made time for in a while. Perhaps it's something very ordinary that you enjoy but rarely stop to appreciate.
You don't need to make a big change or completely reorganise your life.
Maybe just start with ten minutes.
And the next time you find yourself thinking that you should be doing something more useful, perhaps pause and remind yourself that enjoying a little time for yourself is useful too.
After all, life isn't just about getting everything done. It's also about having the opportunity to enjoy some of it along the way.
A little space for yourself
At JSM Counselling, I offer a warm, supportive and confidential space for people to explore what's happening in their lives, understand their experiences and think about what they might need.
I work with women experiencing overwhelm, anxiety and the pressures of everyday life, with a particular interest in supporting autistic and ADHD women, including those exploring a possible diagnosis or making sense of a later diagnosis.
If you'd like to find out more about working together, you're welcome to arrange a free 15-minute introductory call.
JSM Counselling
