You Don't Need a Fresh Start: What August Might Be Telling You

There is something about the end of August that can make us feel as though we need to get ourselves organised.

September is coming.

The children are going back to school.

The summer is ending.

Work will get back to normal.

The diary will fill up again.

And suddenly there is a feeling that we should have a plan.

Perhaps you've spent August noticing things you hadn't really had time to notice before.

That you're tired.

That work is taking up too much space in your head.

That you're saying yes when you want to say no.

That you're carrying more than your share.

That something at work isn't sitting comfortably with you anymore.

Or perhaps you've realised that you've been functioning perfectly well on the outside while feeling rather wobbly underneath.

And now you're wondering:

“What am I going to do about it?”

You don't need to have all the answers

I think we can put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves to know what comes next.

We want the plan.

The decision.

The answer.

The five steps that will make everything better.

But sometimes the first step isn't knowing what to do.

It's simply being honest about what isn't working.

You might not know whether you need a new job.

You might not know whether you need to have a conversation with your manager.

You might not know whether your boundaries need to change.

You might not even know exactly why you're feeling so unsettled.

That's okay.

You can start with noticing.

What has August shown you?

Perhaps take ten quiet minutes and think back over the month.

Not everything that happened.

Just what you noticed.

Ask yourself:

What gave me energy?

Maybe it was time outside.

A particular person.

Having fewer meetings.

Being away from work.

Having time to yourself.

What drained me?

Perhaps the constant availability.

Being responsible for everyone.

A difficult colleague.

Too much work.

Not enough control over your time.

When did I feel most like myself?

This question can be surprisingly revealing.

Maybe it was when you were walking.

Laughing with someone.

Reading.

Creating something.

Sitting in the garden.

Not having to be anywhere.

Or simply when nobody needed anything from you.

And then ask:

What do I want more of?

You don't have to turn the answer into a five-year plan.

Just notice it.

What do you want to leave behind?

We often talk about what we want to start doing.

But perhaps it's equally important to ask what we want to stop doing.

Maybe you want to leave behind:

The guilt of saying no.

Taking work home in your head.

Being permanently available.

Trying to keep everyone happy.

Taking responsibility for things that aren't yours.

Putting yourself last.

Saying “I'm fine” when you're not.

Or constantly waiting for things to become easier before you allow yourself to make a change.

You don't have to stop everything immediately.

Awareness comes first.

Then comes choice.

A boundary doesn't have to be dramatic

Sometimes when we talk about boundaries, it can sound as though we need to make huge changes.

Quit the job.

Say no to everything.

Switch off your phone.

Tell everyone exactly what you think.

But boundaries can be much quieter.

“I'll get back to you tomorrow.”

“I don't have capacity for that this week.”

“I can do X, but I can't also take on Y.”

“I'm going to think about it before I answer.”

“I don't discuss work outside my working hours.”

These are small statements.

But they communicate something important:

My time, energy and wellbeing matter too.

The Health and Safety Executive's guidance on work-related stress emphasises that excessive demands without adequate opportunity to recover can contribute to stress, and that employees should have appropriate resources and control over their work.

So if your answer to “How are you going to manage this?” is always “I'll just work harder,” it might be worth looking at the situation rather than simply asking yourself to cope better.

Don't turn September into another pressure

This is perhaps the most important bit.

Don't turn September into another thing you have to get right.

You don't need a new routine that lasts forever.

You don't need to become a completely different person.

You don't need to suddenly become brilliant at boundaries.

You don't need to start exercising every morning, meal planning, meditating and organising your entire life before breakfast.

You might simply choose one thing.

One boundary.

One conversation.

One change to your working day.

One evening where work stays at work.

One thing you stop automatically saying yes to.

One thing you ask someone else to help with.

Small changes can be meaningful.

And if something is consistently causing stress at work, it may be worth talking about the issue rather than assuming that you simply need to become more resilient. The HSE recommends identifying the causes of work-related stress and working towards realistic solutions, rather than relying on people simply to “cope”.

You are allowed to change your mind

Perhaps August has made you realise that something you thought you were happy with isn't working anymore.

That can be uncomfortable.

Especially if you've spent years building a particular life.

A career.

A role.

A reputation.

A way of being.

You might think:

“But I should be grateful.”

“It's not that bad.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“I've always managed before.”

But gratitude and dissatisfaction can exist together.

You can appreciate what you have and still want something to change.

You can be good at your job and not enjoy the way you're working.

You can care about your colleagues and still need better boundaries.

You can love your family and need more space for yourself.

Two things can be true at the same time.

Perhaps you don't need a fresh start

Maybe what you need isn't a fresh start.

Maybe you need to take what you've learned about yourself and make one small adjustment.

August may have given you something that busy months don't always give us:

space to notice.

Now you get to decide what to do with what you've noticed.

You don't need to rush.

You don't need to have a perfect plan.

And you don't need to wait until everything feels unbearable.

Start with a question:

“What would make my life feel a little easier?”

Not perfect.

Not completely different.

Just a little easier.

Then ask:

What is one thing within my control that could move me towards that?

Maybe it's a conversation.

Maybe it's a boundary.

Maybe it's asking for help.

Maybe it's admitting you aren't okay.

Maybe it's giving yourself permission to explore what you really want.

And perhaps that's enough for now.

As August comes to an end…

Don't judge yourself by how much you achieved.

Instead, think about what you noticed.

What did August teach you about your energy?

Your boundaries?

Your work?

Your relationships?

Your needs?

And what are you going to listen to?

Because September doesn't have to be about starting again.

It can be about continuing differently.

And if you've spent the summer noticing that you're struggling with work, overwhelm, difficult relationships or simply the feeling that you're carrying too much, you don't have to wait until it becomes a crisis before you talk to someone.

Counselling can give you a safe space to slow things down, make sense of what you're feeling and explore what you want to do next.

You don't need to arrive with a plan.

Sometimes you can simply arrive with:

“I don't know what's wrong. I just know I can't keep doing it like this.”

That's a perfectly good place to start.

Julie

Julie Shehata-Morgan is a qualified counsellor and clinical supervisor supporting women through workplace stress, difficult situations at work, overwhelm, self-doubt and periods of change.

If you'd like to explore whether counselling could help, visit JSM Counselling to find out more or arrange a free 15-minute chat.